When I was growing up I knew that pointing the finger of blame just didn’t pay off. It never failed that the accused did his or her fair share of pointing back. Mama, not knowing who the offending party truly was, reverted to the form of decision-making referred to in the military as “Kill ‘em all, let God sort ‘em out!” She reckoned that if she got both of us then the guilty party would be suitably punished, whichever one it was. It might not have been fair but it was effective.
The concept of blame has always existed. We, as humans, do not always accept responsibility for our mistakes and we definitely don’t accept responsibility for others mistakes. Since Cain asked God, “Am I my brother’s keeper?” we have tried to divert attention from our wrongs. It didn’t work then and it doesn’t work now.
But we keep trying. Take a look at the paper or the television news. Every day in this country we are faced with problems that need solutions. Real solutions to real problems. But instead what do we see? A group or individual assigning blame. They are not accepting the problem as simply existing and moving on to tackle it. Instead the finger pointing starts. Blame must be assigned. Why?
Are they trying to divert attention from themselves? Or are they rallying for time to dig around and figure out what kind of a spin to put on the situation? Every pointer wants to have better press than the pointee. Anyone who has ever watched an episode of “West Wing” knows that you never admit guilt, especially if you can diffuse the situation by assigning blame. Done properly, you can even come out on the plus side.
In the meantime the problem goes unsolved. Studies are done; lawyers put hours on the clock; tempers flare; words are said—none of them pertinent to the true situation. Our attention and our energies get diverted from affirmative, positive action and become mired in a Mobius strip of blame.
In the situation of the torture of prisoners in Iraq, the International Red Cross says they told officials about the inappropriate behavior before the news broke. Okay so now we can’t say “Where was the Red Cross when all of this was going on?” The Pentagon differs responsibility to the next guy…they didn’t know it was going on. Even the female soldier who held a leash on a prisoner said she was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. Gee, that excuse never worked with my mama.
Mama would have gone through the halls of that prison and given everyone the dickens. Nobody would have come out unscathed. And in this situation she would have been right. It wasn’t just one or two pictures, it was hundreds. And it wasn’t just one or two people, it was many. My husband is retired Navy; we both know that nothing happens on a base or station that doesn’t find a way to leak out to the other crewmen. People knew what was going on and they just didn’t tell and I will guarantee that the person who did tell was rebuked for it.
That prison and others like it need a good house cleaning but we are still hung up in the assigning blame. The soldiers messed up. It won’t be the first time in history or the last. Go in, punish the offenders, and get back to business.
This is an international example but the problem exists on all levels. Just look in our community. A problem arises, a call is made, and the mobius strip starts turning- “Well, your child did this…And your child did that…” the fight goes on but the problem just festers. Eventually one of several things will happen- tempers will blaze and both children will be punished more severely than if the problem had been dealt with rationally; others will be brought in and the problem will spread beyond the original boundaries; or it will simply be forgotten.
None of these solutions provide a clear-cut response to a stated problem and none of them are effective. We spend so much time and energy on doing our little tap dance around the issue that we lose our ability to solve it.
It would be refreshing to hear the next time blame rears it’s ugly little head, “That’s nice, now what do we do about it?” It’s like in baseball; you have to keep your eyes on the ball.
Written by Nancy Miller